John Wood

When Coder Turns Father

Can it be? Some words emanating from my fingers that have nothing to do with technology? It's true. This is a personal post. It's Fathers' Day weekend and, well, I have something to say about it, and it's not in C#.

Being the father of a 15 month old has been such an extraordinary experience it's something I can't help but write about.  Given it's father's day weekend, why not share the experience with everyone else?

I can't say I wasn't scared at the prospect of having kids. My wife always wanted kids, and so did I. The only difference was that I used to joke that I wishes children would be born 10 years old, to avoid the whole diaper changing, sleepless nights, temper tantrum-ridden terrible-two years and, well, all the joys I thought being a father was about.

That wasn't really what I was scared of though. It was more finding space in my life for kids. I spend so much time working on software, the the rest of my time with my wife and... well, sleeping, I honestly wondered how I would ever make room for the hundreds of hours a week of attention that a child demands.

Throughout most of my wife's pregnancy I hardly tried to imagine what life would be like after my daughter was born. That always seemed to be a different phase of my life that I would tackle when it arrived.

All my friends also joked (or half joked) that the end of my life as I knew it was imminent. They warned me that nothing would be the same again.

Well, they were right.

Not only did my life change, but I feel like my life began when my daughter was born.

She is such an amazing and delightful character. Somehow, through some kind of mysterious magic (or perhaps genetics), she seems to have become this perfect combination of my wife and I. Beaming with everything I love about my wife, she's exciting and fun to be with and I miss her like crazy when we're apart.

When you have kids, it's not just you that changes. The whole world changes. Now you look at everything differently. You experience everything as if it's the first time you've experienced it. You have a new best friend to share everything with. More importantly you're now a family, not just a couple. This seems to elevate your status in the world, you become a bigger person.

The knowing looks you get from other fathers when your kid is crying in the store, or running around screaming with excitement, is like a passport into a secret fathers club. They've all been there before. With a simple (manly) nod you're saying 'respect, i've been there too and you're doing a great job'.

Having a child teaches you more about life and humanity than you could ever learn any other way. The most important lesson for me was that logic and reason (or more precisely algorithms and software) can't explain everything. When your kid wakes you up in the morning with a beaming smile, run up to you and hug you, or laugh and kiss you on the cheek - you realize that nothing else matters in this world. Not even Ajax.

So if you're a workaholic like I am, and are scared to commit to having kids - don't shy away from it. It's time to wake up and smell living, it changes everything for the better. And don't try to imagine what it's like, because you just can't. It's one of those things you only understand when it happens to you. Believe me.

Plus you get to use father's day as an excuse to buy yourself a new gadget.